I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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