break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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