Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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