1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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