i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
