this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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