How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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