my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize