Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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