so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
