totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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