I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
