i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
