Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
