i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
