I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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