somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
