idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
