You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
