Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
