Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize