I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
