she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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