My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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