Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
