Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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