I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Quick, to the slutcave!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
