You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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