You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
