gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
