What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
