i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
