My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
