Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We have started to decorate penises.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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