Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
