I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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