She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
