Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize