I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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