After last night, I could never be a politician.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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