maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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