I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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