Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
