youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
