You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
