she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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