yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
