Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
