Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
