she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize