I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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