i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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