one two three fourrrrnication!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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