thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize