the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
