and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
