In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
