I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize