If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
