He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
