the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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