I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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