Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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