she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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